Standing Anonymous

I am what you see,

I am not what they say.

But if i turned out to be,

could you love me anyway?

I lay down on the cold ground

Snow coming down hard and fast,

a flurry 

with no future, no past.

We'd been out for hours

It was getting dark,

you took me to some local park.

You pulled my hand and held me close

mumbled sweet nothings

that took you minutes to compose.

I felt your heart beat

and shut my eyes.

Makes it easier to forget your lies.

But your the key

to my heart ache

we stood, in December snow, so cold

with you, I felt not one flake.

I couldn't speak out loud

The world was passing us by

there was no time

we stood, snow covered, intertwined. 

Your love was there, that I knew.

But all I wondered, was it true?

The snow blurred it all.

and melted in your hair.

Nothing but the noise of silence.

I whispered

"This is all just some passing faze"

Those words were lost

in the wind so strong

they whipped around us

our only witness, Jack Frost.

You smiled and 

put a hand to my heart

and said

"My love for you will never melt."

'Tis the season

Merry Christmas to all.

And to all a good night.

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

That night you ignored me,

was my worst night,

ever.

You didn't even notice me crying.

Make this go on forever

My crayon was stolen

I searched and re-searched 

even checked my box.

Asked every kid

for my special one,

I would trade my blocks.

The one in the corner,

apart from the crowd

stuck to the shadows

said nothing out loud.

I felt his eyes on me

I marched up knowing what I had to do.

Then I saw

that sly smile, and those piercing eyes.

He knew what he'd done, weak was his disguise.

My crayon beside him,

a single red heart drawn on his page.

Suddenly, I didn't want my crayon back.

I still see those eyes and that smile

but only in my dreams,

his soft, luring voice

makes me wake up in screams.

Magic is a stupid word,

I thought it was what we had

I gave more than a crayon to him

and he was so smug and glad.

Everything happens for a reason,

or so I've been told.

Every ounce of my dignity shred

stupid,reckless

he laid me on his bed.

And the reason?

All because that stupid crayon

was red.

I taught myself how to grow old

Most of the time 

I got nothing to say

When I do it's nothing

and nobody's there 

to listen anyway.

I know I'm probably better off this way,

I just listen to the tv till I'm tired

my eyes grow heavy and I fade away

skip town, slow down

To you, I'm just a wet blanket

cold, useless

something you'd never want to touch.

Joe

Oh, how they love you so.

How much?

You'll never know.

Hopelessly devoted, to you

Mr. Predictable,

                  always doing what your told

a foot never out of place

      Safe; 

                controlled.

But, maybe that's why I fell for you

knowing you wouldn't hurt me

knowing you'd never break my heart

never force me to feel the pain. 

But life with you got boring

and stale.

I'd never admit it, but you, are everything I hate.

Oh, but Mr. Cool

ride into town unannounced and unwelcome

walked straight up to me

and saw through all my shields.

We took off on your motorcycle leaving Mr. Predictable in the dust.

You took me to a new world that night

I place I'd never seen.

I'd lived here,

dreamt here,

but baby I was only sixteen.

Life was a constant blur

between the worlds

no lights

no sounds

no right and wrong

just you and me.

Sometimes you would scare me

with that rage in your eyes,

but you convinced me with those sweet lullabies.

                       

            Ten years later and we're still here

  you'd slap me around

                     and ask for a beer

 the bruises would ache

 the cuts would sting

 I almost left you

then you gave me that ring.

You got down on one knee

you said you were sorry for everything you've ever done

you told me everything I wanted to hear.

It was just how you were raised,

you'd fix it

 how sorry you truly were.

And that

you loved me.

and i believed you. 

I saw the sweetness I'd once seen.

how many times i hit the wall

i lost count

you let me go, I spun to quick I just screamed out to the cold.

how many times had i hit the floor

the smell of cigarettes and alcohol 

oh i knew it, all too well

i looked beside me, drops of blood

shit, I'd been here before.

The only thing I remember

was the warmness I felt,

just like when I was a kid.

I told the police what happened that night

I told them he had at least put a blanket on me

the police chief's hand came down with a thud

he just looked at me with sad, sorry eyes and said:

"Ma'am he left you lying in your own blood."